The Advice

Hey you!

Do you remember that time when I told you that I think I’m falling in love with my bestfriend? And when I asked you what I should do, you advised me to wait for the right time to tell him?

Well, it’s almost been a year since then and I’ve done some thinking. A lot has happened as well that have made me rethink how I perceive things… Like, maybe I’m not in love with him, maybe it’s just infatuation, maybe I just like him a whole lot. I don’t know… With the way things have been going in my life, I’ve realized that you can never be too certain of anything. So I honestly have to say that I don’t know what this is that I’m feeling right now. But what I do know is that whenever he tells me that he’s with someone new, someone wonderful, someone who’s not like the others, my heart breaks ever so quietly everytime. I know that everytime he’s in a relationship, I step away and disappear into the shadows, not because he asks me to, but because I understand that she might not be comfortable with having me as his bestfriend and I don’t want her to hold that against him. I know that whenever I get an e-mail from him, I tend to forget that I’m a responsible 20 year old working woman and I start acting like a giggling teenager. I know that whenever I think of him, the sensation I feel is kinda like being back in middle school all over again when love was simple, pure, and sweet; when everyday would bring unforgettable moments of when a passing glance would be interpreted as a gaze into my soul; of when the smallest word or sentence mildly insinuating the slightest bit of emotion would be replayed over and over in my mind; or of when a brush of the hand would tickle my heart and send tingles into the very depth of my body… He has made me feel so juvenile and it’s refreshing to feel this way again now, since I feel I’ve been forced to grow up and have forgotten to feel how I’m supposed to feel at my age. I know that everyday for the past year, I’ve been scared out of my wits that he would find out how I felt and that it would ruin our friendship and no matter how many friends tell me that I should just let him know, I know that I can’t, because I know that if I do tell him, the repercussions would be immense and the consequences irreversible. However, I have realized that if I don’t tell him, I may end up regretting it and I would hate myself for making the same mistake twice. This is what I know. I may or may not be in love, but it’s apparent that what I’m feeling is an emotion less ordinary.

You told me to wait for the right time, and I think, that time has come and so I’m going to take the risk. I’m going to let my guard down and I’m going to allow myself to once again be vulnerable and defenseless. Thank you for the advice. I’ll tell him now.

As Always,
Dana

PS: By the way, you’re the only guy bestfriend I have.

Uncategorized |