Fanmail / Spam

I was going to put off posting here until my big reveal (i.e. The previous post entitled "The Advice") was read by the person who was supposed to read it, who until now is yet to go online. However, being the person that I am (i.e. No self control whatsoever), I just couldn’t wait.

Moving on… Receiving e-mails from people I don’t know and having them ask me to add them on Friendster is the highlight of my day, not because I really want to make new friends, but because I think it’s absolutely hysterical to make fun of people at their own expense (Yeah, yeah. I’m a mean elitist bitch. Sue me.) I’ve received four over the past two days. Below are two of them (The other two are posted on my other blog) and what I would have written if I were to reply. (Assuming, of course, that Monty understands Tagalog. Pwahahaha!)

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Photo Caption: rock!!!!!!!!!anti boy band anti hiphop anti RnB anti love songs anti all (ANTI-PATIKO?) , pure metal heads

From: John Philip
Subject: Hi
Message:
just want to make friendz , by the way check this out www.pinoyindubai.cjb.net please register

[ Sounded promising, because he was Filipino. (Yeah, yeah. I'm also a racist elitist bitch) However upon closer inspection, parang gusto ko s'yang sagutin ng... ]

From: Dana
Subject: Hi mo mukha mo!
Message:
Awww… That’s sweet, but honestly, c’mon, y’really "just want to make friendz"? Are you really gonna sink so low as pretend to not be the horny MF that you are? Besides do you seriously think we would mesh? I am a big ball of ‘mellow’ while you seem like a horny monkey… On the loose… In Dubai of all places! Your profile in the ABOUT ME segment says, and I quote,

"They say black is Beauty but for me white is pretty."

You racist MF! Oh and this seems interesting your WHO I WANT TO MEET segment says and I also quote,

"anyone who have this >>> (.)(.) Joke joke joke"

You horny MF! However, if you really were joking, the joke would have been more effective if it were grammatically correct.

Oh and F.Y.I., I don’t have this >>> (.)(.), claro sposo???

Thanks, (but then again, NO THANKS!)
Dana

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From: Monty
Subject: fried for ever
Message:
Hi fRiend My nAme Is Monty Have U seeN Dubai "no" mY God Yr Mum wiLL Beat Me She WiLL say Why MontY U noT Show My Loving DaughTer Dubai. (WTF?!?!) Ok DonT WorrY Now U Just Give Me MIss cAll On My MoBile No. 050 - 450 5706 Any Time Under Moon Light As My MobiLe NetWork WorKing Whole Day Or U caN Add Me as a Friend on manojkeshwani @yahoo.com or manojkeshwani@hotmail.com

with lots of love (Love ka jan… UGOK!)
MoNty.

[ Parang gusto ko shang sagutin ng... ]

From: Dana
Subject: Ha???
Message:
"Fried forever"? Ano ibig mong sabihin? Mahilig ka sa prito magpakailanman o baka naman gusto mong i-prito kita magpakailanman?

Monty… Ka-anuano mo si Mr. Python? Siguro close relatives kayo, kasi pareho kayong ugok na nagpapatawa.

Me? Misscall you? I don’t like. Why don’t you misscall me here 1-800-getlostloser. You can misscall me anytime under the moonlight, above the sunlight, beside the flashlight, or behind the spotlight.

Or add me as a friend on sinokaba@getoutofmysight.com or anoba@go-away.com

With lots of denigration,
Dana

P.S.: yOu Are So GalinG tO tYPe!WhERE u LeArn TyPinG?I WanT I am LeARN tO theRe aLso!

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Disclaimer: You seem like ok people, however as I have mentioned earlier I am an elitist bitch, add to that the fact that I’m an "anti-social inggitera" (As my friend Marc has told me), therefore, I apologize if I have disparaged you in anyway.

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