Ramadan Kareem!
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I have the slightest urge to write this entry in Arabic…
Ramadan in the U.A.E. is now in its second week and so far I’m enjoying it… Save one thing. See, when these guys fast, they really fast. I mean, it’s really strict. Some say that they are not even allowed to swallow their own saliva. And so from approximately 5:00 a.m. until 6:30 p.m. they abstain from eating, drinking, smoking, and anything that will accidentally have them ingest food or water. Like brushing their teeth for example or taking a shower. They refrain from doing this until after Iftar (breakfast) for fear that they might accidentally swallow the water. Now that’s just fine, I mean, I may not believe in Islam, but I respect the fact that they do. It’s just that their breath kinda stinks. And when I say kinda, I mean, damn-it-did-you-gargle-with-sewage-water kind of stink. And it’s not like I can offer them a breath mint ’cause they’re not allowed to have that. Of course, it’s not only their breath. The fact that they’re not allowed to shower either is kind of a bummer. I mean, let’s be honest here, Arabs/Indians/Pakistanis and the like (I’m not saying all. Just most.) usually have a different sense of hygiene, if you know what I mean. If you don’t know what I mean then you’re probably in the same genus, and so when I say what I’m about to say I hope you know that I mean it in the sweetest way possible - YOU STINK. I’m sorry, but that’s just how it is. Stop reading my blog and disinfect yourself, please.
I have a very sensitive gag reflex, especially in the morning. Most people yawn when they get up out of bed, I on the other hand, gag. The other day I got into a cab on the way to work and Monsieur Taxi Driver stank. I mean, he really stank. I literally, gagged because of the stink. I wanted to crack open a window, but I thought Monsieur Taxi Driver would scold me if I did. And so to alleviate my discomfort I sprayed myself with Davidoff Cool Water, hoping that the scent would overpower the stink. It did. Two seconds into my new found sweet smelling victory however, Monsieur Taxi Driver, grimaced and said, "Oh, I am on Ramadan. Smell not good for me." and he cracked open a window. "Well, I am not on Ramadan and your smell is not good for me", I wanted to scream insanely at him, but he was an old man and I kinda felt sorry for him. So, I just smiled and apologized. Two more weeks of Ramadan… Somebody help me.
Fanmail/Spam of the Week
He’s baaaaack! Di na natuto, ampotah.
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