Nutritionless Conversations of the Absurd Part 2
I’ve been delaying posting this for a while now. Probably because everytime I type it, I get misty eyed ’cause it makes me miss Mamu so darn much. Anyway, without any further ado, here it is…
On Music
>> While Anya is having one of her topak moments…
Anya: *Singing terribly on purpose* "Nating gonna cheynds my laaabbb por you, you know NAMAN my lab how mats I lab you-hoo…"
Mami, Papi, & Mamu: *frown & grimace*
Anya: "Uhmm… Magkano ang songhits?"
After a few days, while Anya is having another one of her topak moments…
Anya: *Singing terribly on purpose* "Vlooowww mooowwwnnn… You saw me standing alooone, with no labbb to CARREFOURRRR…"
Mami: *To Papi* "Sabi ko sa’yo bumili ka na ng songhits. Yan tuloy…"
Papi: "Walang Tagalog, eh. Meron, Indian song, p’wede na ba yun?"
>> While watching Paris Hilton’s video
Anya: "Paris is such a slut."
Mamu: "I know."
Anya: "I feel like I’m going to catch syphillis just by watching her…"
>> While in the car on the way to work…
Papi: "Anya, alam ko na ngayon ang deepest darkest secret ni Kuya…"
Anya: "Really? Pray tell, I heart tsismises!"
Papi: "He loooooves Britney Spears!!!"
Anya: "Mweset…"
>> While in the car, listening to Mamu’s best kept secret, the newly bought Britney Spears Remix Album
Mamu: *Bopping to the tunes* "Baket kaya lahat ng videos n’ya merong guy na naka-afro?"
Anya: *Humiliatingly tapping her feet to Britney* "Really? Hmmm… Baka isa sa mga dancer n’ya yun…"
Mamu: "Iba-ibang guy eh… Pero lahat sila naka-afro…"
Anya: "Oh, I see… Hmmm… Baket nga kaya?"
Mamu: "Actually, kaya ko talaga binili yan, ’cause of this one song that I really love, na hindi mashadong sumikat…"
Anya: "Yeah? Which one?"
Mamu: "Yung video nun yung kasama n’ya yung guy from Blade… What was his name?"
Anya: "Ah! Si Wesley Snipes?"
Mamu: "Guhguh! Hindi yun. Yung isa…"
Anya: "Sabi mo kasi mga guys sa video n’ya, naka-afro, eh."
Mamu: "Sabi ko naka-afro, di ko sinabing negro."
——————
On sex, reproduction, and nudist immoralities…
>> Mamu while recovering from the nausea and dizziness brought on by a minor sunstroke.
Papi: "I’m glad you’re feeling better… *jokingly adds* I was starting to think that you might be pregnant…"
Mamu: *rolls eyes*
Papi: "No seriously, Ko. Don’t you have plans of having children?"
Mami: *laughs*
Mamu: "Noooo!"
Papi: "No, I mean, not necessarily the conventional way, but what if someone asks you to be a donor?"
Anya: "Yeah, like what if your bffae Patti asks you to be a donor or something?"
Mamu: *Shaking his head* "Nooooo!"
Anya: "No?"
Mamu: *Shivering in disgust*
Papi: "So you’re really even not going to consider being a donor?"
Mamu: *To Papi* "Ikaw na lang, kaya?"
Anya: *guffaws*
Mami: *laughs* "Hindi kaya maging abnormal yung bata?"
>> After having left the real estate agency where there was an ambiguously gay red-haired agent talking to Papi.
Anya: "Is he gay?"
Papi: "Ewan ko. Pula ang buhok, eh. Siguro nga."
(And may that now be a warning to all straight men. LOL.)
>> While Anya is running around the house half naked, Mamu shrieks as if he’d seen a ghost.
Papi: "Oh, what’s wrong?"
Mamu: "She violated me…"
——————
Nutritionless Conversations of the Absurd PHILIPPINES!
(Shempre, parang "Survivor" merong mga different locations.)
>> While having small talk and catching up with one another…
Papi: "Mae, ano nga ba ung makaka-limutin at marami ng laspses???"
Mamshzee: "Ah… Teka nasa dulo na ng dila ko eh…"
Papi: "Ah, alam ko na… Parkinsons disease!" *Proud na proud pa.*
Mamshzee: "Huh??? Di’ba sakit ng boksingero yun???"
Papi: "Ay oo nga pala" *Sabay taktak ng ulo para gumana ang utak.*
>> Papi, kalalabas lang ng Banyo…
Papi: "De-em, nakita mo ba yung rubber slippers na ginagamit natin sa banyo?"
Babe: "Huh??? Hindi po ako gumagamit ng tsinelas Lolie…"
Mamshzee, Babe, and Pingping: *All look at Papi at the same time.*
Mamshzee: "Ahhh, Dad suot mo na ang tsinelas…"
Papi: "Ayyy, oo nga noh…"